Celebrating 1 Year!

Wow! A year ago today was the day of my stroke. It seems like a pretty appropriate time to do a little writing about how far we have come, and just to look back a little bit on the events of the past year. But, first of all, I have to say thanks for coming along with us on the journey. We have felt so loved and supported through this past year by so many special people. I can honestly say that we couldn't have done it without you. As our prayer pager buzzed this morning after breakfast, I was reminded once again of all of those prayer warriors out there lifting up both me and my family. You are such a blessing to us. Your faithfulness is a testimony to your walk with Christ. Thank you!

It's hard to know just how to "celebrate" the anniversary of a stroke, but I think we kind of got the hang of it today as we did a lot of "remembering" instead. Every once in a while the conversation turned to November 2, 2007 including Heidi's comment on her blog post comparing her experience driving behind the ambulance, to our experience driving off to church together this morning as a family. God is so good! As the boys and I were reflecting on that morning a year ago, Anthony asked, "Do you think it would have made much of a difference if I hadn't hear you and called 911?" Wow, what a question. It is incredible the way that morning played out. What if I had had my stroke an hour earlier while I was sleeping and no one found me until hours later? What if I had been driving the van full of kids to school? Instead, at around 6:15 AM, as I was reaching for my shirt, I crumpled to the ground just a few rooms away from where my boys were eating breakfast in the kitchen, close enough that when I called Anthony he was able to hear me and come to my assistance. Emergency services arrived very quickly, we made the 1/2 mile trip to the hospital emergency room, and after a number of tests, I was given the clot buster medication that seemed to be the turning point in heading me in the direction of recovery.

Yesterday I joined the kids at the field behind our local elementary school and ran 2 miles. That is still the goal I am striving the hardest toward. I want to run normally again. Heidi watched me run a bit on Saturday and said it looked "way more normal" than the last time she had seen me run. Those kinds of word of encouragement are the ones I need to hear the most, because I can hardly see the improvement over long periods of time and sometimes even wonder if I am regressing. I think I am starting to figure it out though. I feel extreme fatigue in my leg after running or exercising, or even a day of teaching and being on my feet all day. They have told me at therapy that only about half of the muscles in my leg are doing all of the work, so of course I would feel extreme fatigue for a day or 2 afterward. Heidi reminds me of this when I have another one of those day of having to think so hard about each step as we walk around the block. Then I am reminded that I am not regressing, but am tired from my previous day's exercise.

I have come to realize that running the California International Marathon is NOT going to happen this December (that was the goal I set for myself), but I will make it my goal for next year. My foot continues to thump the ground pretty loudly when I run on pavement and I'm a bit wobbly, but when I run on grass it feels much more comfortable, and puts much less strain on my knee. I have also found that if I keep up with some running every few days, I experience less fatigue than when I make it a once-a-week activity.

Sleeping is another issue. My left side is still quite hypersensitive, so it is not an option to sleep on that side. Also, I used to turn over in my sleep without even thinking about it. That is not a natural thing anymore and takes some work. Especially when there are covers on top of me to get tangled in. Then there is the job of finding another comfortable position for this crazy body of mine so that I can drift back to sleep again. This was something I never would have imagined would be a problem after a stroke.

Then there is my arm and hand. It is interesting having an injury that shows no scars on the outside. My body looks completely normal (as normal as possible for me) from the outside, but every once in a while my arm surprises me. I find it somewhere, in a position where I don't expect it to be and think, "Is that my arm?" It is a really weird sensation, and is becoming less frequent than it used to be. The thing that doesn't seem to be improving is the lack of feeling in my left hand. To do things with my left hand like play the piano, keyboarding, playing video games, tying my shoes, buttoning a shirt, turning a doorknob, etc. I have to look at my left hand because I cannot "sense" what it is doing. I can feel some things with it (hot, cold, and sharp pokes), but the fine sensations are all missing, and so I need my vision to help my fingers know hat they are doing. One thing I have made improvement on is working the turn signal as I drive. That was such a natural thing for me before my stroke and became such a difficult thing after my stroke. I fumbled with that thing so much for such a long time (especially when driving in the dark), and now it has become pretty natural again. That gives me hope that there is still more improvement to come. When I can tap my left foot to the beat of a song again, I will have made another milestone.

Well, these are little things that still bother me, and I just tell people that I am greedy, "I want it all". And as long as they continue to give me hope at therapy, I will continue to work on these things and hope for improvement.

I have to admit that there are many times now that I don't even notice my shortcomings for extended periods of time.  I can get lost in my work, or a game, or reading a book and completely forget that anything is lacking.  But then I get up out of my chair and put weight on that left side and am reminded that I have quite a way to go yet.  In fact, that is how I begin every day.  The alarm wakes me from my sleep, I scramble out of bed to turn it off, and the first sensation I have is stumbling across the room on a leg that is not yet warmed up for a new day.  Just a little daily reminder of the good work that God continues to do in my life.

One last item to share on this day gives a little more perspective on how far I have come over the past year. As church came to a close this morning and one of the last songs was announced, there was that awkward feeling when everybody knows that it is a time to stand up, but no one is sure if anybody else is really going to get up. So, I stood up and everybody else got up. That' s not such a big deal unless you realize that one year ago today, I couldn't figure out how to get my brain to move my fingers and toes at all, let alone lift my whole body (and a whole church) to a standing position. God is so good!

Thank you again for your many word of encouragement and your faithful prayers on behalf of me and my family. You are such a blessing to me (us).

Here we go on year number 2! Does anyone want to join me in that marathon?