Worth Celebrating!

I don't know how many people get a chance to experience that one big moment that gives them a whole new perspective on life, but I feel like I am celebrating my second birthday (as of yesterday) because the last two years of my life seem like a bonus that I have been blessed with. They are definitely worth celebrating.

Two years ago yesterday (Nov. 2, 2007) I woke up and started getting ready for my day of work only to find myself lying on the floor 15 minutes later, unable to get up due to a massive stroke. Today I am going through the daily activities and routines of life almost as if nothing at all happened two years ago. What a blessing!

I remember that day, 2 years ago, laying there in the emergency room thinking about how things would be okay. I still had my right side, and being right handed that meant that I would still be able to write, I had my voice so I would still be able to communicate and sing, and the stroke hadn't affected my cognitive abilities at all (as far as I could tell) so I would still be able to think. Overall, things were going to be okay.

Well, God had even better plans for me. I now get to enjoy the left side of my body as well. It's not perfect. I'm really clumsy with my left hand and it still lacks feeling, my left foot doesn't always behave the way I would like it to, my sense of balance is still pretty precarious at times, and I don't have the quick movements and athletic abilities that I enjoyed so much in pre-stroke days, but I sure have a lot more than I ever would have dreamed of on that morning 2 years ago, including an extra two years of life! What an awesome gift.

I hope and pray that few of you will ever have to go through something like a stroke, and I realize that many of you out there have been through a similar life threatening experience, but I do hope that all of you can have the opportunity to look at each new day as a very special gift from God. A day to be thankful for His loving hand which upholds us through the toughest of situations and for His loving smile which celebrates with us healing, family, motion, song, joy, forgiveness and life.

All of this is worth celebrating. Every day!

Thanks for all of your love and support and prayers,

David

Touched

We were so touched tonight to open email and find that a comment had been put up on the last post - a reminder that David (and family) is still being prayed for. That means so much!

The fact that I haven't posted in over 4 months doesn't mean that everything's back to normal. It's just that if I were to post I'm afraid at this point it would sound very repetitive (and perhaps worse than repetitive?).

As we near the 2 year mark from his stroke, David has gained back so much, yet he is not where he and his doctors thought he would be by now. They were predicting 98% to 99% recovery and that he probably wouldn't notice what was missing. Though encouraging words are nice, it's a little hard when they aren't fulfilled.

I'd put him somewhere between 75% and 85%, with it quite noticeable (to David especially) what is yet missing.

As I've shared in earlier posts, David has all the major elements necessary for work and life. He works full time. He is able to be very involved in church - leading Sunday School and up front singing with the praise team. Things could have been much different, and he very well could have permanently lost the ability to do these things as well, but he didn't, and we're so thankful!

He does still have issues with balance, with sensation, and with knowing where the left side of his body is (arms and legs) if he isn't looking. We just bought a new home, and it is a 2-story house. The stairs are a bit of a challenge, especially when he is barefooted, and especially coming down the stairs. I hope that this may end up being good therapy rather than being a hindrance.

David has a strong and positive spirit, but this constant "visitor" that he doesn't want is always with him. He has a passion for running but really can't engage in that as he would like. In fact, since I last wrote he has developed some problems related to trying to run. He's developed some leg/hip/back pain, which seems to me to be related to overuse of a body that doesn't cooperate with itself like it used to.

The running is the big issue. There are more minor but constant reminders as well. I'll have to ask him why he does this, but he still puts things in his left pocket and then has trouble getting them back out since his left hand can't feel to make things out - what they are or where they are. This can be rather comical (or not) when he has put his cell phone in his left pocket and it starts ringing! There remain sleep issues as well and just other things that don't work the way they used to. Although this has been nearly 2 years he's also not quite at a point where he's just totally acclimated to this "new" body.

As we near the 2-year mark it seems strange. It seems it can't have been 2 whole years ago, but it also seems like it's been far more than 2 years ago! I guess many things in life are like that, huh?

So, as with so many recent posts I've put up, overall things are far better than they could have been, and we are truly deeply grateful for that. Yet it is hard not to be disappointed about what has been lost as well.

To those of you still reading and praying, THANK YOU SO MUCH! We trust a God of miracles, and it sure would be great to have the miracle of David being able to run again as he would like to - and whether he ever is able to or not, it would be a great gift to be able to be at total peace no matter what the final status is of his recovery.

Anniversary

I just realized today is David's one-year and seven month anniversary of his stroke. It seems like it's been much longer than just over a year and a half ago. It feels like years now!

Neither of us has written lately because it's hard to know what to write, yet this is something that is still very defining. Yes, you move on and have a "new normal," but it remains evident every day that it isn't the old normal.

I think both David and I feel that writing about things that are still issues is perhaps something that sounds ungrateful, and we certainly don't want to give that impression! David was talking with someone tonight - someone else who has had a stroke, and that person had his stroke while a college student at Berkeley. His stroke affected his memory to where he lost 70% of what he had learned in his classes prior to that, had to retake some classes and work really hard to be able to graduate, a thing he was not sure he was going to be able to do. David shared how grateful he is that his stroke only affected him "physically" rather than affecting his memory or personality - or his vision or speech. We have always been grateful for that and remain so.

David continues to maintain what he has gained back physically. He went running with Anthony tonight, about 4 miles, I think. On Easter Sunday he ran 10. He still hopes to reach his goal of running a marathon. He isn't sure he can do it, but from what I've seen I'm pretty confident he will.

I and most other people will never accomplish that, so there are a lot of ways in which he is doing phenomenally well!

There remain a lot of things that are yet missing, though, and depending on the day and the situation that can range from interesting to annoying to frustrating to depressing.

A lot depends on how tired he is. Sometimes he has pain, especially in his foot, which often feels very, very tight across the top. His toes still won't cooperate. They curl under, which causes lots of issues - making his foot always feel crooked in his shoe (you know how annoying it is to get a pebble in your shoe or something, well, imagine having your foot always feel like it's in your shoe crooked). Problems with his toes also cause him to trip when he is barefooted, especially when walking on carpet.

His balance is still affected, as is his sensation on his left side.

He learned a new card game from Anthony last week, and the goal of the game is to be the first to get rid of all your cards. David holds his cards in his left hand and grabs them with his right. He cannot tell when he is done with this game because when he removes the last card from his left hand he cannot tell it is no longer holding cards. He grabs at an empty hand a couple of times before he realizes he is out of cards. That's certainly not the end of the world, but it's weird - sometimes interesting, sometimes annoying.

He's a teacher and does a lot of work on the computer. He's always been rather a hunt and peck typist anyway, but it's extremely difficult for him to use the fingers on his left hand for any typing. He has to watch very carefully or his finger will hit the wrong key or more than one at a time. (That would be absolutely crippling to me! For David it's annoying and inconvenient but not horrible.)

There are still issues with sleep. In fact the combination of his difficulty turning over and my insomnia mean that he is (and has been for a long time now) sleeping on the pull-out sofa in the living room. We're both sad about that, but you gotta do what you gotta do, and that's what we have to do right now so that both of us have a chance at decent sleep. He has fewer positions he can choose from to sleep in. Being on his left side is painful. That too compromises his sleep. He also can't tell if the sheet or covers are bunched up under him on his left side and if so how they are and how to fix it.

If he's tired his balance is very poor. I'm afraid sometimes he's going to tip over when he first gets up off a couch and starts walking across a room.

It's amazing to me that when people do comment about how he's doing they say, "Wow! If I didn't know he'd had a stroke, I would never know. He looks totally fine." I guess I know him and his movements too well. I always see a limp in his walk and in his run, and I always notice a difference in how he "holds" his left hand and arm in comparison to how he had in the past.

We were at the beach a week and a half ago, and he tried to run on the beach. I won't even try to describe the result. He CAN run on pavement, but he CANNOT run on the beach.

Later that week we had a chance to have a little bit of time with my brother Tim who is a physical therapist, and Tim was able to explain really well what was going on and to give David some suggestions for exercises and also to give him some hope - which was an especially good thing at this point. Every so often David needs a little boost again, and it seems to me (watching from the outside) that that provided that boost.

I don't know if anyone is still checking this site, but I thought it was time to get an update up here in case there are friends and family members still checking or if someone else who's had a stroke and is curious about recovery is checking in. I hope what I've written comes across as "just the facts," as I intend it to be.

Oh, I was watching videos earlier of our family from years ago, and I saw David using hand motions when he talked. He always had hand motions that were very similar to his father's very distinctive hand motions, and I didn't realize until today that that too has changed - not entirely but in large part. He doesn't talk with his hands as much and not in the same way, which is kind of a bummer, because that was always a reminder of Dad, as if he was still somehow with us.

There are some positive changes. But when they do come they are coming more and more slowly - so slowly that they are almost impossible to notice. It's nice when something happens to bring our attention to something that has improved.

David had always been an outdoorsy guy and loved doing house and yard projects. Our fence has been falling down for - uh - longer than I'd care to admit, and he had spoken with our neighbors about working on it together summer of 2007. They sounded interested but never pursued it. Last summer David said, "I sure wish the neighbors had taken me up on this last year. I don't feel like doing it now." That's nothing he would ever have said prior to his stroke, but I can hardly blame him. He can't feel his left hand, and his balance isn't good, and he can't always tell where his left hand and leg are - not unless he's looking right at them, so a job like that would certainly take much more focus and would sound daunting rather than inviting. It no longer felt natural or appealing to do something like that. Well, something has changed in him between last year and this year. For the last couple of months he has been talking about how he is going to repair the fences this summer. There must be something - maybe physical, maybe not - maybe just a rising of his spirits - but there is something that has changed for the good in this past year, and it's probably one of those things that would have been too subtle to notice unless we'd had this to highlight it for us.

If you are still reading, would you please pray for David for continued progress. He really is in a good spot and is very grateful, but it sure would be nice to be able to make even more progress and to feel more and more like his old self - to be able to run and work with confidence and the ease he used to have - to be able to sleep like he used to. Those would be wonderful things! Thanks!

Successes on a Busy Saturday

Last Saturday was an event filled day.  Anthony and his Enochs teammates were participating in the Central Valley Science Bowl competition.  I love to watch this competition.  It is a fun "buzz in" type of competition with challenging science questions that these kids are somehow able to answer.  It's amazing!

I was a little bit disappointed that Science Bowl fell on the same morning as the Ripon Almond Blossom Festival 8k run.  8k is about 5 miles which I have been running quite comfortably the past few weeks.  I thought this would be a perfect opportunity to reenter the world of running in a crowd.  I'm not nearly as steady as I used to be (with my left leg kind of tracking in odd directions at times and every so often even scraping against my right ankle as I run) so I thought this would be a good test of whether I could handle running in a crowd of people.

I decided the night before that if it was sunny in the morning (they were predicting rain), I would run.  Well, I woke up to dry ground, so I dropped Anthony off at Science Bowl at 7:30 and drove off to Ripon for the 9:00 run.  I set my goal for 38 minutes for the run since I had been consistently running 7:40 miles in my recent runs at home, and off I went.  I felt really good that morning from the start and really had no difficulties with other runners (Yeah!).  I was excited to meet my goal, completing the race in 37 minutes 41 seconds.  I finished 48th overall out of 386 runners.  What a great feeling to be involved in such a thing once again.

I also had the pleasure of bumping into Mike Schoonover from Modesto church.  I had been wanting to talk with him sometime soon knowing that he was a runner and had experienced a stroke himself about 6 years ago.  He flagged me down before the race and we had a good talk.  He is back to running marathons again after taking a year off from running after his stroke.  I think that his situation was quite different than mine and it doesn't sound like he had the leg problems that I have had, but it was so good to hear about his recovery and return to running.

Another unexpected pleasure was running with one of the kids from my Sunday school class.  We didn't plan it this way, but our paces were almost identical and I saw him for most of the race.  I even passed him for a moment at the 2.5 mile water station (I went without), but he quickly passed me again and took his position in front of me once again.  I never was able to catch him.  This was his first time ever running the 8k and he did a fabulous job.  You'll see him a few places ahead of me on the results page.

Well, I finished the race, hopped in my vehicle and drove back to Modesto to take in the rest of the science bowl competition.  Anthony's team had great success, winning 3 of their 5 morning rounds, taking 1 of 2 spots in a lunchtime 4 team tie breaker event and making it through the first 3 rounds of the afternoon double elimination tournament between the top 8 of the 24 teams competing that day.  That is the farthest an Enochs team has ever gone in their 3 years of existence and they are looking forward to doing even more next year.

It was a fabulous day!

Thanks again for all of your love and prayers.  God is so good!

Sleep and Shoes

On Thursday I made a comment to Heidi about my sleep and she told me I should post about it. So, I will.

I had a strange sensation waking up Thursday morning, and it took me quite a while to figure out what it was that was different about getting out of bed that morning. I went to bed at the usual time the night before, my alarm went off at 6:00 AM as it does most weekday mornings, yet something was different this morning. As the day progressed, I was finally able to wrap my mind around what That difference was.  I had gone to bed, fallen asleep, and the next thing I knew, I was waking up to my alarm.  That has to be the first time in over a year that I have slept that soundly through the night (yet it was the way I often slept prior to my stroke).

I spoke in a previous post about how difficult it was to turn my body over to a new position in my sleep and that I couldn't sleep on my left side because it was so hypersensitive that I couldn't get at all comfortable.  Well, obviously this past Wednesday night I was able to make it through the night without waking up to change positions numerous times throughout the night. That is really an exciting thought (even though I have woken up to change positions the past two nights as usual). It gives me hope that I am making more small steps toward improvement over time.

I did experiment with trying to fall asleep on my left side about a week ago too, and was able to get comfortable enough to start my night of sleep that way.  I know it really happened, because I had to comb out the crazy bed head from the opposite side of my head that morning.

 
Enough about sleep.  Let me share with you a little bit about shoes.  I have been running in the old pair of shoes that I had run in for about 8 months prior to my stroke as I was training for my first marathon.  These shoes are about to be retired soon (you will see why) but have been fine for running on grass and even for my running as I transitioned to running on pavement the past few months.  I had noticed the uneven tread wear about a month ago, but a few days ago I happened to look at the bottoms of my shoes again and was amazed at the difference between the left and right foot.  So, I decided to take pictures of them and post them for you so you can get a better idea of just how different my running is on that left leg.

Here is the shoe from my right foot (the one that was NOT affected by the stroke).  Notice that the black tread of the shoe is worn quite evenly over the whole shoe.  This is especially evident on the front of the shoe as the yellow rubber underneath is exposed over time.

Now check out the shoe from my left foot.  Notice how uneven the tread-wear is on this shoe. The outside of the shoe (bottom in the picture) is really worn down, even to the point of the white layer starting to show through, while the inside of the shoe shows very little wear at all. This is due to the fact that my left leg does not extend fully with each step causing me to land on the front of my foot rather than the heel.  My foot also tends to twist with each step causing me to land on the outside of my foot rather than the center.  So, I know what it's doing wrong, but I can't figure out how to make it right.

That being said, I do have some exciting news to share.  I have been running with Anthony on Saturdays following his coach's regimen.  These have been what he calls his "short days" running up to 4 and 3/4 miles. Well, earlier this week he mentioned that his coach had changed the weekly schedule and was now making Saturdays his "long day" instead and that he was to run 10 miles this Saturday (today).  So, we plotted out a nice 10 mile course and set out with one of his classmates at 9:30 this morning and ran 10 miles.  I did it!  I wasn't sure if I could, and I was prepared to drop out and walk if I had to, but we ran as a threesome for the first 9 and 1/4 miles until they pulled away from me for the finish.  They finished in 1 hour 25 minutes and 29 seconds, and I finished another 36 seconds behind them for right around one hour 26 minutes.  This gives me real confidence to keep on running!  God is so good to me!

As a follow-up to this, I have to tell you that walking has been especially difficult for me today due to some pretty extreme fatigue in that left leg.  But it was well worth it.  =) 

 

Happy New Year and a Milestone

Here we go on a new year and I am excited about the possibilities, especially after my accomplishment this morning.  This is another one of those small things that is really BIG for me. Big enough that I am going to refer to it as a milestone in my stroke recovery.  My task this morning was to trim my fingernails (a seemingly simple task) which has been one of my greatest ongoing challenges post stroke.  Trimming the nails on the left hand is not difficult, but when I switch to trim the nails on the right hand the task becomes daunting.  One of the exercises I worked on in occupational therapy at English Oaks was to use a tweezers to pick up small pegs and put them into holes.  That was a frustrating task and I learned to put the tweezers in my right hand to see how to do the task "naturally" and then try to mirror that with my left hand.  Well this trimming of the nails has been the same kind of daunting task and I have had to apply the same right hand strategy over and over to figure out how to "naturally" hold the nail clippers to clip the nails on my right hand.  Over the past year I have experienced lots of failure at this task as the nail clipper slips all over in my hand and refuses to behave, but today I was able to mirror the grip of my right hand quite successfully and complete the trimming task quite efficiently.  The feeling that the trimmer might slip out of my hand was constantly present, but with slight adjustments I was able to carry on through the task successfully.  Yea!

My good friend and fellow teacher, Karen Rossi, has been such an encouragement to me.  For years she has been studying and advocating applying brain research and exercises that build pathways in the brain to education.  She got really excited about Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor's story of recovery from a major stroke (an interview with Oprah).  Karen bought and devoured the book, My Stroke of Insight, and enthusiastically passed it on to me.  I have been reading it over vacation and can hardly put it down.  It gives the reader a whole new perspective on life and who we are as human beings.  It also is an incredible picture of the amazing healing ability of the brain.  I would highly recommend this book to anyone.  One of the things that kept Jill pushing forward in her recovery was focusing on what she could do rather than what she was unable to do.  So each little step along the way was an encouragement to her to keep on working toward recovery.  I have found this same thing to be true and really appreciate it when people take note of something that I am doing that I was unable to do a while back.  The progress is so slow now that it is easy to get caught up in the belief that there is no more healing taking place, but I know that is not the case.  Jill knew the same thing and says that she finally felt completely recovered from her stroke after 8 years!  That may sound discouraging to some, but to me that is so hopeful because it reminds me that this process can continue on for years to come!  Yea again!

Here are a few other things to celebrate:

Yesterday I went out to trim a couple of bushes that had grown too high and ended up spending a few hours pruning some major shrubbery.  I had lost my interest and or ability to do this kind of task well, but as of yesterday am excited and feel capable of such tasks.  Yea!

I have been doing some running with Anthony over Christmas vacation and have joined him in running up to 6 miles!  on pavement!  That is quite an accomplishment and has given me great hope>  It is still really quite awkward and takes a lot of concentration (my left heel will strike my right leg every so often if I don't concentrate on really placing that left foot well), but I am finding that the longer I run, the more my leg loosens up and seems to run in a somewhat more natural gate.  Yea!

Sleeping is getting to be more natural and turning over to reposition myself in the night is less of a problem.  Yea!

Jacob bought me a couple of video games for the Wii that are less dependent on me using the fine motor skills of my left hand.  Now I can almost keep up with those boys in Mario Kart racing.  Yea!

There is so much to celebrate and there are so many new possibilities as the new year unfolds. I hope that you have a chance to look back at exciting progress and look forward to endless possibilities as you look forward to the year(s) ahead as well.

God bless you all!